I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
