They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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