I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
