Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
