Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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