I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
