I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
