so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
