If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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