Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
