ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish my penis had an off switch
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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