Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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