So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Im part way to drunk.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
