People with herpes should wear stickers.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
