i was born a porn star she said
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
