If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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