Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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