i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I could fuck to npr.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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