Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
