very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
