Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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