I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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