That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
my liver is dry heaving
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
