How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
