After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
