I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
