thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
