How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
