Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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