Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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