so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
