I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
