So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
