There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
