So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
