i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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