I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
