You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
