We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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