dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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