So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
