I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
