great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
