I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
