I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
