I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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