my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
