She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How's work?
Spinning.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
