his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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