well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
