thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
