he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
