I puked a lego.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
